illusionofjoy | Junk mail

Today I got a little yellow card in the mail. Printed on one side was my address, a drawing of two dancing peanuts with the phrase, "WE'RE GOING NUTS...TRYING TO REACH YOU!!" above and below the image and the following return address:

C.R.C.
1383 S Missouri Ave
Clearwater, FL 33756-6500

Of course, I didn't have any clue as to what company this was or who they could be affiliated with. My not so inner cynic was grinding his teeth and giving knowing glances to my sense of logic. The other side of the card only bore the following message:

Dear Seth
We are trying to reach you with Good News! It is real important that you Call Toll free 1-800-745-5757
Thanks
Debbie Peti
Call 10 am to 8:30 pm EST
Monday thru Friday

There it was: my chance to call a complete stranger for no reason other than "good news." Had I finally been blessed by the fates? Was this little card a sign from the gods that my luck was changing? Yes, indeed...and I am the king of France. Apparently this scam is a golden-oldie, with an entry in ripoffreport.com dated nearly a year ago.

In other news regarding deception and corruption, The Republican Federal Committee of Pennsylvania apparently saw fit to send me a letter yesterday. Of course, had the organisation put their name above the return address, I would have pitched the letter immediately. As it stood, I thought that a piece of mail from Harrisburg might by of some importance. How wrong I was.

The letter began by congratulating me on my recent voter registration (apparently March is recent, in the mind of an elephant). Further felating occurred in the form of praise that I had, "taken the first step in being an active participant in the election process." Of course, this will be my second presidential election, so that "first step" part is a wee bit inaccurate, much like the text that followed further down (my wry comments in italics):

This election is about our future. [Damn straight, and I don't want George Bush leading me any further into the new millennium - I like to think that the apocalypse is just a little further away than 2005.] A future focused on:

Tax relief so hard working families can keep more of what they earn, [I didn't get a tax break. Am I not hard working? Or do I not deserve tax relief because I'm unmarried and childless? Maybe I'm just not wealthy enough for a Republican tax break...]
Fighting and winning the war on terror, [Which, of course, means invading oil-rich middle-eastern countries that had nothing to do with the terrorist attacks on September 11^th, 2001 under the guise that the have weapons of mass destruction, or just want weapons of mass destruction or their despot is a really, really bad guy who all of the sudden must be disposed of.] and
High standards and real accountability in education. [Which is why the "No Child Left Behind" Act is under-funded, but at least the kiddies will learn that condoms are no good at preventing STDs or pregnancy.]

We in the Republican Party strongly believe in everyone's right to participate in our country's electoral process [Unless you're a black person living in Florida]. We urge you to consider voting Republican [...you liberal pussy]. *snip*

I know for a fact that when I gave up my New York State voter registration (and unfortunately, traded Senator Hillary Clinton for Senator Rick Santorum), I registered as a Democrat. I know this to be public knowledge as well, seeing as how I, as a registered Democrat, am not allowed to vote in Republican primaries. Surely they would have realised that their letter was a waste of postage, being sent to my address?

Apparently not; I find most Republicans are quite obtuse. In any case, I did give their website a visit and was considering sending them a message - something along the lines of, "I received a letter from your organisation recently and it only served to reassure me that I am correct in voting for John Kerry this November." I'd rather not make myself SPAM-bait, however. Also, I think my statement would be more powerful if I actually put pen to paper and mailed them a letter, complete with my personal John Hancock.

Like I said though, Republicans seem to be quite obtuse. Kerry/Edwards '04!