Restless

[illusionofjoy]

I'm having trouble sleeping tonight. I had spent two hours rolling about, trying to brush away the thoughts that kept antagonizing me, when I heard an odd scraping noise in my apartment. I grabbed the flashlight on my bedside stand and shot it about to try and find the source of the sound. No luck. I turned on my overhead light to do a deeper investigation. There is a cardboard box sitting on my floor, and rubbing the flaps of its lid together is the only thing that makes the noise that I heard while I was still in bed.

I thought about this for a moment, and went from being nervous to angry. Taking a deep breath, I stretched my arms out, palms forward in a stance of defiance. I then crossed my arms over my chest and said, "Be gone - I don't have the time or the patience for this shit!" Right now, I feel nothing, save the natural chill of being naked in a room in winter.

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night paralysed. It's what one of my ex's called a "hag attack," though I discount her explanation. She invites in negativity on a constant basis - revels in it, and then wonders why the world is falling apart. The sensation was me in bed, with my eyes open and able to look around, but the rest of my body wouldn't move. I wasn't numb, but it felt as if the sleep paralysis hadn't shut down, despite the fact that I was awake (this same condition can actually be achieved medically, by the way). I tried calling out to joi_division, but my lips wouldn't move. Finally, I decided to treat it as a lucid dream. "Wake up," I repeated to myself mentally, until suddenly I could move again. Naturally, I woke Joi up and told her what had happened.

This has occurred before, though it has been so long that I can't remember when. I am quite certain that I wasn't dreaming about being paralysed, as my eyes did not re-open after I told myself to wake up. Was the condition internal or external? I'd have to go with internal as the logical choice, as I did snap myself out of it. There are times I wonder, however...especially when acting as if I am speaking to something else makes it go away.

I'm babbling. It's far too late at night for philosophy or theology. I need some sleep; I have to work tomorrow. "There are more things at work on Earth and in Heaven than we shall ever know." All I feel now is the air in my apartment and all I hear are other tenants as they shuffle about randomly or flush their toilets. I am going to try and sleep again.

Comments

[xeyli.livejournal.com]

I've had moments like that. The last time that happened, it felt more like a problemed spirit over me. It happened at my friend's house, not long after her family had some problems and they renovated the house.

[joi-division.livejournal.com]

It seems that you and I both had a lousy night of sleeping. I am sure the late evening lasagna and pepsi didn't help matters.

I know I know- you don't even have to say it- I know what you're about to say...

*kiss*

[lady-czerach.livejournal.com]

Sounds like sleep paralysis. It used to happen to me every night. It's actually pretty common. It went away when I started taking anti-anxiety meds and hasn't come back since (even though I'm off the meds). They say that it's more common to people who sleep on their backs.

[arkadyrader.livejournal.com]

I have a friend that has them. Exactly like that, he'll wake up and everythings fucked up, and he can't move or speak. It kinda sucks, but it happens relatively often. it's also known as sleep paralysis. there, now you can get yer learning in.