MS WARE (a road-rage rant)

[illusionofjoy]

I am sick of Pennsylvania motorists! The bulk of the people in this state must have gotten their driver's licenses by giving the road examiner a blowjob. The city of Pittsburgh would probably solve all of its financial problems if the cops would pull over and ticket a mere fraction of the people around here who really have no business behind the wheel.

Today's incident, ladies and gentlemen, occurred downtown. I was making a right turn from Sixth Avenue onto Bedford Avenue towards Mellon Arena. On the other side of the street, a blue SUV was signaling to make a left turn. We both had a green light, but as I was making right, I had right of way. The blue SUV began turning despite the fact that I was already more than halfway through my turn. It looked like they were trying to hit me! I tapped the horn as if to say, "hey, I'm here - hitting me is a bad idea," as I managed to make it in front of the SUV just in time to meet a red at the first of three traffic lights between me and my final destination: the HOV lane of I-279 North.

While waiting for the light to turn green, I witnessed the most idiotic gridlock pattern I had ever seen. Someone in a blue minivan had apparently decided to make a U-turn in the one-way street ahead in order to make up for the left turn they had missed one signal cycle ago. They were blocking the two leftmost lanes of the three lanes making up the road. Meanwhile, directly in front of me was a compact car positioned diagonal to the lane markers of the intersection I was sitting at, apparently with the intention of making that same left turn, but beating the minivan to the punch.

When the light turned green, I decided to swing around these vehicles by driving into the rightmost lane before returning to the centre lane. I checked to see that nothing was coming and began moving over, only to nearly be side-swiped by the blue SUV occupied by the individual who didn't care that one making a left turn must yield the right of way as they made a mad dash to get in front of me! I leaned on the horn, hoping to communicate my vehicular "fuck you" to this asshole. We both were stopped at the next signal, the blue SUV directly in front of me where I could see the Pennsylvania license plate: MS WARE.

I was royally pissed at this point. Not once, but twice this asshole had nearly hit me and for what? To get in front of me? To prove something? I flipped them off vehemently, hoping they catch a glance of my vitriol in their rear-view mirror. The light turned green and MS WARE proceeded towards the on ramp for I-579 North, while I headed for the HOV lane of I-279 North. Since the two parallel each other for a mile, I got to watch MS WARE as they exited onto state route 28 and I made a not-so-silent wish for them to succumb the stereotype of the "death road."

So, ladies and gentlemen, should you see a blue SUV with a Pennsylvania license plate bearing the legend MS WARE, do give it a good keying. Feel free to carve, "ASSHOLE" into the driver's side door, if you have the time. Put some sugar in the gas tank, or make the SUV part of this complete breakfast by throwing some eggs at it. This fuckhead doesn't deserve to have a vehicle untouched by vandalism. They're fucking lucky they didn't hit me, given the mood they put me in, I would have probably grabbed the driver out of the vehicle, driven my ignition key into their eye socket and twisted. Let's see how well you start up, asswipe!