illusionofjoy | In which I reflect on what I did from Wednesday, October 28th to Wednesday, November 4th (Reply)

I feel like hell right now. For nearly a week, I have been running on a continuous high of adrenaline, but now that I've stopped and been still for a bit, the chemical stew has withdrawn and I feel enervated. What is the lesson? If you can help it, don't stop; don't ever fucking stop.

And I would have gone on if that had been a viable option. Unfortunately, at present, my music remains an expensive hobby and not a means for supporting myself. Now and again, the thought occurs to me as to whether or not I really want to turn my passion into a viable career. Consider the number of famous musicians claiming that they hate music - it's no longer art (if ever it was), it's job to them. On the other hand, if one loves what one does and gets paid to do it, then it does not technically qualify as a "job" or "work," correct?

Presently I am not paid to do what I love. I pay to do what I love and I do it all too infrequently. Attempting to become a player in the business of music is much like gambling (or, playing the stock market). It's stupid, risky and more often than not lacking in a big, if any, payout at all. Despite the counterintuitive nature of the exercise of attempted self-promotion, there remains to compulsion to push ahead. Give up? Fuck off!

Nearly two weeks ago, I stood at the threshold of three weeks of paid vacation from my place of employment. It had been a long, hard, rough and bloody road to get to said three weeks and when I woke up on Monday, October 26^th, the sweet smell of freedom hung upon the air which filled my lungs. It was glorious indeed. It also meant that I only had two days remaining in which to prepare for my tour.

Wednesday, October 28^th - departing Pittsburgh, PA for Potsdam, NY

I don't recall much about the beginning of the day. I do know that most of it consisted of packing my equipment away in preparation for stuffing it into the trunk of a rental car. Two of the five venues I was playing at did not have in-house systems, which meant that I had to bring my own PA. While it is nice to have a PA to bring, it does become cumbersome to be the only one hauling pieces of audio equipment around.

I picked up the rental car around 3:00 in the afternoon and drove it to my apartment building to be loaded up. I live on one of the upper floors of a building without an elevator, which in itself is bad enough when one has several bulky pieces of equipment to move. However, the strenuousness of the move was compounded by the obnoxious brats occupying the building who, it seems, are parented by people who are under the impression that the stairwell serves as an appropriate play space. A note to aspiring parents: a stairwell is most certainly not an appropriate for children to be playing; not only could they slip and fall, thus snapping their tiny little necks, they also run the risk of encountering a cranky musician who does not appreciate nearly tripping over their tiny bodies multiple times while carrying heavy or cumbersome audio equipment. At one point, I had made a vow that the next brat I encountered blocking my path on the stairwell would end up suffering a speaker-induced concussion.

With all of my equipment loaded into the car and no annoying brats killed or injured, I headed off for the first stop on the tour: Potsdam, New York. Potsdam is a college town in Northern New York (that section of the state which, incidentally, elected a Democrat to Congress for the first time in well over a century). There are two universities in town, one of which I unceremoniously failed out of over six years ago after four and a half years of matriculating. That would be SUNY Potsdam, where the venue I was playing at - Hurley's - is located.

By car, Potsdam is approximately nine hours away from Pittsburgh - ten if you still wish to take highways, but avoid tolls. As it was, I decided to face the toll booths of the New York State Thruway and get to Potsdam as quickly as I could. Being that I didn't end up driving out of Pittsburgh until 4:00PM, I already knew that I'd be arriving at my destination at a rather late hour. When I encountered some of the worst early rush-hour traffic that I could recall from recent memory headed north on I-579, then again on I-279 and I-79, I adjusted my estimated time of arrival.

Most of the drive up I-79 from Pittsburgh to just outside of Erie was punctuated by scattered showers. The rain stopped once I got on I-90 and crossed the state line into New York, but it soon returned. By the time I left I-90 for I-81 north at Syracuse, the rain had gotten heavier. As night fell, the rain subsided only to be replaced by a heavy fog.

I spent several years of my life in Northern New York and I can say without reservation that Northern New York fog is like no other fog I have ever encountered. It is thick, soupy and ominous, like something out of a Stephen King novel. The fact that I was driving back to Potsdam for the first time in nearly seven years was surreal in of itself. The fog only added to the - ahem - atmosphere. However, the surrealism reached it's apex when I turned on the radio and what should be playing at 1:00 in the morning but the nation's premiere paranormal talk show: Coast to Coast AM. Perfect.

Thursday, October 29^th - Hurley's; Potsdam, NY

I stayed with family in Potsdam. In fact, most of my family still lives if not in that town, then in the state of New York. It was good to see them again and they seem to be doing well overall.

The show at Hurley's went smoothly, albeit attendance was depressed by the fact that there were a million other things going on that night in Potsdam. Still, a handful of my friends from neighbouring towns showed up and the show went smoothly.

Hurley's has changed from the days in which I was attending school at SUNY Potsdam and playing the open mics there. The place has been renovated, for one. The stage is larger, with a built in drum riser, they now have a proper snack bar and they have a "green room," where musicians can relax before performing. They even gave me free bottles of water for playing there. As one friend commented upon hearing this as he recalled fond memories of the place as an armpit, "they ruined it!" Perhaps, but they ruined it beautifully - I've no complaints whatsoever.

Four stars - would play again.

Friday, October 30^th - Caz Coffee Café; Buffalo, NY

I left early in the morning to get to Buffalo at a somewhat reasonable hour. When I plan a tour and work on getting myself booked at venues, I generally attempt to make a route which somewhat resembles a circle. As Potsdam became the first place I played, this plan was blown out of the water. However, circumstances being what they were, playing Potsdam as my final venue would have left me two days with nothing to do many miles from home. This was less ideal than back-tracking over a route I'd already driven and likely would have cost more in expenses other than gasoline.

In any case, the drive to Buffalo was uneventful as I drove for the second of what would be three times total past Syracuse and Rochester. As a side note, if one is driving the stretch of I-90 between Buffalo and Syracuse, tune in to radio station WBER at 90.5FM. It is probably one of the few broadcast radio stations in existence with any significant amount of wattage that actually plays music worth listening to.

I checked into the hotel and chilled out for a couple of hours before heading out to the Caz. It is a nice little venue right next to a large park (which is it's namesake) divided into two rooms with a connected bookstore. The room at the entranceway is where one places his or her order while the other room contains several tables and chairs where one can sit and eat or take in a musician.

I ended up pretty much throwing out my planned set list for that night. When my start time rolled around at 7:00PM, the only people sitting in the room were two older ladies whom I gathered wouldn't have been thrilled to hear some of my heavier stuff. So, I began by going through some instrumentals and softer songs. About midway through this interesting exercise in being inoffensive, some younger people came in. The next song I played saw me returning to my planned set list. I'm not sure if the elderly women left because they were finished with their meals or because they didn't appreciate a drum machine, but either way, they departed once my laptop rhythm section kicked in.

It quickly became apparent that the younger people in question had no interest in my music. Such are the pitfalls of playing a new venue in a new city. The thing that shocked me though was that it wasn't long after 7:30 that the audience dwindled to zero. Aside from the two baristas, there was no one inside the Caz, nor was there anyone on the street outside either! Buffalo, or at least that neighbourhood, was effectively a ghost town. By that time I'd completely abandoned my set list and merely noodled around, playing whatever popped into my head until 8:00PM drew near. With no audience, I packed up a little early, something one has the liberty of doing when one is playing for free (coffee).

Obviously my first visit to Buffalo, New York didn't turn out quite as planned. When I go out and play in other cities, I don't generally expect huge audiences, however, I do hope to catch someone's ear - in this case, towards the end of my hour playing, there was literally no one in the room listening. I'm not sure what went wrong but sometimes one can't predict these things.

Suffice it to say that it's up in the air as to whether or not I'll visit Buffalo again anytime soon. Discouraged, but not defeated...

Saturday, October 31^st - Muddy Cup; Albany, NY

The morning I checked out of the hotel in Buffalo greeted me with heavy rain. I decided to take advantage of the free continental breakfast in the lobby to see if the downpour would subside in the ten minutes it would take me to eat a bagel and drink a cup of coffee. Besides, free food.

Once again I was driving down I-90. Once again I was passing by Rochester and Syracuse. Once through the latter of the two cities, I finally saw some scenery which wasn't as fresh in my mind as the stretch of I-90 between Buffalo and Syracuse.

A couple of friends let me stay in the guest room of their house when I arrived in New York's Capital District. Unfortunately, neither one of them were able to attend my performance at the Muddy Cup due to prior commitments. Still, Albany did go better than Buffalo as far as attendance.

You may recall from a few paragraphs ago that even if I can't get people to come out and see me specifically that hopefully I'll be able to catch someone's ear. Well, at the Muddy Cup in Albany I did manage to catch some ears. While the beginning of the set saw disinterested people talking through songs, by time I was nearing the end of the show, I'd gathered a small group of listeners who had actually sat down and were paying attention to my music.

Admittedly, I liked that situation better than watching an audience dwindle to nothing. I left the Muddy Cup feeling less discouraged than I did in Buffalo the previous night.

Sunday, November 1^st - Rebel Sound Records; Pittsfield, MA

Unlike the rest of my journeys from municipality to municipality, the drive to Pittsfield was a little over an hour. Pittsburgh to Potsdam is nine hours of driving while Potsdam to Buffalo and Buffalo to Albany each has five hours of drive time to them. The same five hours holds true for a trip from Pittsfield to Burlington, which I'd be doing the following day. By comparison, the drive from Albany to Pittsfield was like running out to the convenience store to get a quart of milk.

watercolorblue let me crash at her apartment in Pittsfield and she held down the fort at my merch table at Rebel Sound.

Unlike the previous stops, I was not flying solo at this show. Illusion of Joy was one of five bands on the bill, which meant that the hour long set I had planned was scrapped for a half-hour set instead. Despite the abbreviated performing time, and despite some very unprofessional behaviour from one of the other groups, I think this was the best show of the tour. The vibe off of the audience was great; it was just a pleasure overall to perform there.

Four stars - would play again.

Monday, November 2^nd - Radio Bean; Burlington, VT

After breakfast at a local diner, I headed north again - this time through the Green Mountains up to Burlington. Like the drive to Pittsfield, I didn't take the interstate, instead opting for the scenic route. Unlike that drive, this was five times the scenery, but it was worth it.

The show at the Radio Bean was more like the show at the Muddy Cup two days prior in regards to attendance and enthusiasm. However, I did have a couple of people dancing in the middle of the coffeehouse, which I always take as a good sign.

By the time I got back to my hotel room, it became obvious how tired I was. While I was sad that this would be my last show outside of Pittsburgh (at least until I put together another set of dates), I was also a bit relived. It's a rush to be travelling, don't get me wrong, but it's also exhausting.

The next morning, I was in no hurry to leave. Since it is a twelve hour drive to get from Burlington, VT to Pittsburgh, PA I opted to divide the trip into two days. Given the fact that I'd driven I-90 to death I opted to alter my route home by taking I-87 not to I-90 and I-79, but instead to go I-87 to I-84 to I-81 to I-80 finishing up by exiting the interstate highway system onto state route 28 directly into Pittsburgh. It is a slightly longer route, but there's more scenery and, with the exception of the stretch of I-87 between Albany and the I-84 interchange, no tolls.

I made it home around noon yesterday. Thankfully there were no brats in the stairwell as I unloaded the rental. I returned the car, went home and promptly passed out.

My next show is this Saturday as part of Tiny Terrors. I'm looking forward to it. My next set of shows has yet to be organised...but will be in the not too distant future.

Give up? Fuck off!