I said I was angry...and this is why I was...

[illusionofjoy]

Those arrogant enough to be referred to as "professionals" within the psychiatric field claim that it is the little annoyances, not the major traumas that drive people over the edge. While I've found that psychology tends to be a murky territory insofar as the sciences are concerned, this little tidbit rings very true with me. One constant little annoyance will drive me to snap much faster than a big bang. It is similar to a cat scratching at furniture: you may not notice those first claw marks (especially if kitty does it when you're not around to witness the crime), but eventually the damage becomes very clear and there's little recourse.

So, there I was, yesterday, as humanity once more opted to take some stabs at veins already taught from excessive blood pressure. What is it about those pesky human beings that they always have to be making a mess of things, meddling in the affairs of others, manipulating that which ought not be touched, and other various misdemeanors? If I were to pick one quote to describe the way I felt about people in general yesterday morning, it would have come from Ani DiFranco, as sung in "Dilate:"

"You are so lame, you always disappoint me; it's kind of like our running joke, but it's really not funny..."

In fact, the lyrics to that entire song could effectively be a metaphor for a relationship with one individual or humanity as a whole. And no, I'm not going to post all of the lyrics here - you'll just have to find them on your own. Better yet, buy the album the song is from; it's the title cut.

In any case, this drama manifested itself on the internet, of all places (assuming the internet can accurately be referred to as a "place"). I've always held that the internet is the world's greatest resource for finding assholes, losers, creeps and downright morons. Overall, the internet is kind of like a frat house on a Friday night, save the fact that it doesn't smell like vomit.

I had written a friends-only entry in my journal yesterday. It was a simple request, one that I didn't think would be much trouble at all. One of the people on my friends list had taken to posting photos of crass human nakedness recently (not artful nudes) and I asked that if they were inclined to do so, to please place them behind the Live Journal cut tag with a warning, so that I could keep up on my friends' entries without having any close-call clicks in the public library.

While the library I go to does not censor content that people download online, I hold the belief that just because it can be downloaded doesn't mean that it should be downloaded. Recently I was sitting at a terminal next to a man who was surfing through an adult dating site. Since there are no wings to block the view between computers, whenever I would glance around in thought, I'd always end up catching a glimpse of the nasty amateur breasts and unholy vaginal orifices the person sitting next to me was hungrily devouring with his eyes. It was my opinion that this person was abusing the resources being so graciously provided by the city of Pittsburgh.

Some would say that I am advocating censorship, which would not actually be true. I do not want the library to begin blocking certain sites from being looked at. What I am advocating, however, is something that I think is a goal of the library in leaving the flow of data completely uninhibited: restraint. I suspect that the lack of parental controls on the computers in the library is a great experiment in self-policing for the users of said computers. Here is not so much a free-speech issue, but a common courtesy issue. In a library, you are not the sole consumer in the establishment; it is not a private residence, it is a public place and certain rules should be followed in public places so that society may run smoothly. What kind of person downloads pornography in a place where a ten-year old could walk by? Likewise, how crass of an individual does one have to be to download gratuitously gory images next to someone with a weak constitution? It may seem funny at first, but creating drama for it's own sake is ultimately vapid.

It is in the spirit of considering the feelings of others that I restrain myself in what I download on the libraries computers. Once I'm hooked up in my own household, I'll feel fully justified in downloading whatever sick perversions strike my fancy, but as for now, I am not alone in this room and I would expect the same consideration from anyone else. When I asked that the images in question be placed behind a cut tag, I didn't think that I was making any great demand. It wasn't like I was trying to tell the person what they could put in their journal entries or dictate content. All I wanted was a chance to know what I would be getting into if I were to download an entry containing such images and be allowed the chance to opt-out if necessary. This is the essence of restraint: the content may still be accessed, but the option not to is provided.

I thought I had explained my position in a calm and rational manner that wouldn't create any heated discourse. As it turned out, my response came in the form of a photograph of three punks, each with their bare buttocks and middle fingers aimed towards the camera. To me, the message was crystal-clear and I proceeded to remove the individual with the offending images from my friends list. I'm certain that they posted the image as an attempt to cry about "freedom of speech through the 1^st Amendment." Most forget that freedom comes with responsibility, else society degenerates into anarchy, which is too Darwinian for my palette.

Speaking of Darwin, I continued my adventures in the muck of cyberspace by attempting to email a girl whose address I had gotten at a bar last Friday. We had traded email addresses there, namely because she seemed like someone I'd want to keep in touch with. I gave her my real one and she gave me an address which resulted in a bounced message.

Now, unlike the previous incident, this one has a bit of leeway. This may be a simple case of the girl in question being too drunk to write down her address correctly, or some recent server wonkiness that is out of the control of us mere mortals. However, I'm jaded enough to place most of my stock in another possibility: she really had no interest in me and gave me a fake email address.

This act of cowardice would immediately place this girl on my shit list, of course. I place great value on honesty and forthrightness - if someone is not interested in me, just say so! I've been rejected before, I'll be rejected again and I'll survive.

Which brings me to the final incident; I recently went to the online journal of one of my ex-girlfriends. I won't go into detail, but I will aver that what I found would easily leave me fully justified in never speaking to her again. In the vast majority of my relationships, I've felt like little more than a fascinating toy that women like to play with until they tire of it. Once bored, the toy gets discarded and ignored, forgotten in the light of newer, more interesting playthings. Thinking about it makes me sick. Thinking about most of my ex-girlfriends makes me sick, actually.

I'm not angry anymore...just my usual cynical self. And I know that I'm better alone...

Comments

[apb.livejournal.com]

Actually, me posting the picture with two bare butts wasn't anything to piss you off. Had you IMed me or not I still would have posted it. I respect that you wanted me to use the cut. But I'm not going to abide by your perfect citizen in society rule by censoring myself.
Freedom of speech through first ammendment? Oh my..
But I do thank thee for un-friending me :)

[missjoi.livejournal.com]

Which brings me to the final incident; I recently went to the online journal of one of my ex-girlfriends. I won't go into detail, but I will aver that what I found would easily leave me fully justified in never speaking to her again.

I feel this all the time with guys I've dated, crushes, or people I am no longer friends with. A lot of the time, I end up thinking, "Yeeeulch- why did I even like this person? Why was I even bothering with them?" So trust me- we all go thru this- and I dunno, it makes me feel better to have them gone from my life.

In the vast majority of my relationships, I've felt like little more than a fascinating toy that women like to play with until they tire of it.

Foo. Insert men where women are for me. I honestly thought as guys got older, they'd be a bit better- boy, I was fooling myself. :p

I'm not angry anymore...just my usual cynical self. And I know that I'm better alone...

I tell myself this all the time. I hate being alone- but there are times you are better off alone than dating some loser who will waste your time and emotions. I'm not into the whole casual dating crap either. No wonder I love porn so much.

[illusion-of-joy.livejournal.com]

I respect that you wanted me to use the cut. But I'm not going to abide by your perfect citizen in society rule by censoring myself.

As I wrote in my entry, what I requested was not censorship; had I done so, I would have told you what not to post in your journal and that would have been wrong. These two sentences contradict each other: obviously you do not respect my point of view, else you would not have followed such an ironic statement with one that smacks of sarcasm. I am not so deluded as to think that a bit if courteousness here and there will make society perfect. However, I do hold true to the belief that humans should strive for a higher purpose than our base instincts would lead us to otherwise follow. Being vulgar for vulgarity's sake does nothing to elevate or enlighten the masses, which many youthful "punks" seem to forget. If you want to be offensive, chose your target and motives carefully, else why bother stirring up drama?

As for un-friending you, I've already made clear my reasons. Perhaps someday you'll actually understand my standpoint.

[apb.livejournal.com]

woo woo