illusionofjoy | Lardburger, please...with a side of lard (Reply)

When I was in college, discerning students knew which dinning hall employee to go to in order to have a special food request fulfilled. This item, though not on the menu, was much sought after by the gluttonous and easy to come by, if you knew the right people. It started with a standard hamburger bun, upon which was piled shredded beef, bacon, ham and American cheese. This, in turn, was drowned in barbecue sauce. No trace of vegetation graced this monstrosity of a sandwich, which was laid down upon the tray of whomever had ordered it dripping with meaty afterbirth. Somewhere in the annals of dormitory history, the artery-clogging legend was christened "The Jimmy Jam."

While I am no stranger to indulging in foods that will likely cause my heart to stop several million beats too soon, I could never bring myself to order a Jimmy Jam. To me, it seemed less like a satisfying meal than that of an intestinal Armageddon waiting to happen. Still, those who did order them, consumed them religiously. At the time, I lived with a fellow who was amoungst the faithful to the sandwich. After mealtime, he would be in the suite bathroom, paying homage to his sandwich. It seemed that Jimmy jammed nothing and was better than Ex-Lax at loosening one's stool.

I was reminded of the not-so-humble Jimmy Jam upon reading an article about Hardee's Monster Thickburger. It isn't a Jimmy Jam, but it does come close. The diet freaks are, of course, in an uproar.

The sad truth is that people can't seem to leave others to their own devices. Frankly, what one chooses to put into one's own body should be the concern of no one other than the individual in question, provided that said substances do not have a negative peripheral effect upon others unwilling to participate. The way these diet freaks are, screaming about the "obesity epidemic" and whatnot, one would think that fatness is on par with drunken driving. Call me cruel for pointing this out, but most people who are too fat to operate a motor vehicle in a safe and conscious manner are also too fat to climb into a motor vehicle in the first place.

Once again, it all comes down to the fact that one group of people gets their jollies from telling another group of people how to live their lives - a sad, recurring theme in America today. Strangely enough, it seems that the manifesto of homogenisation that has taken this country is targeting two things locally: liberalism and obesity. This may seem like an odd pairing at first, except when one stops to consider the symbolism. If the moral majority has a stranglehold on the national psyche, then sin must be abolished. Gluttony is one of the big seven and obesity is the result of that sin. I wonder if, in the twisted minds of the pious, they are thinking that to destroy the sin, one must destroy the symptom of the sin.

Of course, there are plenty of studies out currently telling us how we are going to be smothered by our excess. "Fat kills," "Obesity epidemic," "WLS is a godsend," read the headlines. I'm not convinced, especially when I watch a news report about a workout freak mother who is buying her 200-pound 15-year old son a gastric bypass, citing "schoolyard teasing" as the first reason. My opinion is that the boy could use a good lesson in getting a firm backbone and a thick skin before surgically getting a slender body. Alternately, a hard but valuable lesson could be taught by having him work off the weight the old-fashioned way - increased activity - should conformity and freedom from the derision of his peers be so important to him.

My main complaint here is the same one I've always had about those who profess to have good intentions: it doesn't stop at the message alone. If people want to chow down on Jimmy Jams and Monster Burgers, they should have the right to do so without some so-called "concerned citizen" wagging a skinny finger at them. If the gluttonous wish to indulge, allow them to do so in peace - their consumption is not adding an inch to your waistline. Sadly though, micromanagement marches on and it is still socially acceptable to make fun of some "lard-ass" who is ordering a super-sized meal with a diet soda.