Lardburger, please...with a side of lard

When I was in college, discerning students knew which dinning hall employee to go to in order to have a special food request fulfilled. This item, though not on the menu, was much sought after by the gluttonous and easy to come by, if you knew the right people. It started with a standard hamburger bun, upon which was piled shredded beef, bacon, ham and American cheese. This, in turn, was drowned in barbecue sauce. No trace of vegetation graced this monstrosity of a sandwich, which was laid down upon the tray of whomever had ordered it dripping with meaty afterbirth. Somewhere in the annals of dormitory history, the artery-clogging legend was christened "The Jimmy Jam."

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That's a pisser

More reasons to avoid Pittsburgh's South Side on the weekends: According to an Associated Press article, incidents of public urination have become so common that the city has hired police officers to patrol for offenders. So far over 200 citations have been handed out, each one with a fine of $300. Makes the South Side public pay toilet and the filthy bar bathrooms seem reasonable by comparison, doesn't it?