illusionofjoy | Mirrored TSWP Entry - Sunday, September 8, 2002 (Reply)

Please note: before reading this entry, you should listen to this song. Thank you.

It's funny how songs evolve in meaning - at least for me. "Ebony," for instance: the original inspiration for this song were my attempts at wooing someone whilst completely intoxicated. However, it goes beyond this. Originally, she had come to me. She was the one who actually came up and spoke to me. At the time, however, I was completely depressed and feeling misanthropic in addition and I doubt I left the best impression, despite my willingness to engage in conversation.

The next few times I saw her, was at a couple of parties, ergo the aforementioned intoxication. Somehow at one of these parties I got her email address - I believe that it was actually from her. Since it was an AOL address, I added her to my AIM buddy list and IMed her as soon as I saw her online. Things waned from there, it seemed.

However, before I wrote her off completely as a lost cause, I wrote a song, as I am so inclined to do when something is really frustrating me. It was one of those songs where the lyrics and chord progression were just inpatient to come into existence. I suspect that the core of the entire thing was done in less than ten minutes.

Since it was originally written, "Ebony" has come to mean much more to me than an attempt at drunken romance. I'm not sure, but I suspect that my subconscious was forcing lyrical depth when it was written (and yes, I know I am being arrogant). Throughout the entire song, I'm not only implying that flirting with her while drunk is a futile effort, but flirting with her at all is a futile effort. How true it turned out to be. However, I must admit that it's the last line that makes me happier than anything - "Comfort in screaming as I am pulling out the nails" - the implication there being, "fuck you, you may have hurt me but you don't possess me and I'm freeing myself of whatever power I've allowed you to have over me." Strangely inspiring stuff, even if I do say so myself.

Of course, had I any substance whatsoever, I'd be interpreting other people's songs, now wouldn't I? Doubtful, since a journal is a form of self-reflection as well as self-expression. Therefore, why should I not be allowed to reflect on any form of self-expression I so choose? It's my life and my art and I'll do what I want with it, thank you very much.