The has-beens are coming

[illusionofjoy]

joi_division called to me from the living room; "Do you want to watch this with me?" She was referring to the latest hairball to be hacked from the throat of the great beast that is "reality" TV - NBC's "Hit Me Baby, One More Time." Here's the premise: a bunch of has-beens perform their token hit song, or if the song runs for more than two minutes and fifty seconds, they perform an except from their token hit song which can consist of two verses and a couple choruses or the first verse and three choruses. Solos and bridges are apparently not allowed. Pre-choruses are, however, as they qualify as choruses. These has-beens then come back and do cover a version each of current hits. The audience then votes for their favourite has-been and they win a $20,000 donation to their charity of choice. All the while, an annoying British emo kid hosts the show.

Tonight's line-up was Loverboy ("Working For The Weekend"), CeCe Piniston ("Finally"), A Flock of Seagulls ("I Ran"), Arrested Development ("Tennessee") and Tiffany (her cover of Tommy James & the Shondell's "I Think We're Alone Now"). Their covers:

• Loverboy
  Enrique Iglesias - "Hero"
• CeCe Piniston
  Faith Hill - "There You'll Be"
• A Flock of Seagulls
  Ryan Cabrera - "On The Way Down"
• Arrested Development
  Los Lonely Boys - "Heaven"
• Tiffany
  Kelly Clarkson - "Breakaway"

So, the big question: is this entertaining? Well, to be quite honest, the most entertaining aspect of it is seeing how time has treated these artists. As a music lover, I cringed at some of these neutered renditions of old hits. On other occasions, I felt that these bands shouldn't be playing at all. Loverboy have definitely passed their prime (not that they were very good to begin with). "Working For The Weekend" was flaccid and their cover of "Hero" was passionless and wooden. I hope their lead singer wasn't planning on seducing a groupie after the show, though I suspect that if the lackluster performance didn't kill the lust, the receding hairline and beer gut would.

Similarly, time has not been good to A Flock of Seagulls...or, more accurately, the original lead singer/keyboardist of A Flock of Seagulls and his crew of session musicians. Suffice it to say that a lead singer who can no longer hold the key needs to step down. These guys had a leg up on Loverboy though, in that the guys could still play their instruments.

CeCe Piniston can still sing, and sing well she did on her song. During her cover, however, she seemed to have a little trouble on a couple of high notes. Disco revival should never take on nu-country. Tiffany's most noticeable asset was her cleavage as she did her signature cover of the Tommy James classic "I Think We're Alone Now." Her voice sounded good as well, and nary a warble was heard in her singing in her serviceable cover of Kelly Clarkson's "Breakaway."

The only shining stars of the night were Arrested Development. From their performance alone, one could tell that they were still passionate about performing music and didn't seem to be doing this just for the money. "Tennesse" was flawless, while their cover of "Heaven" not only made the awful Los Lonely Boys song listenable but actually enjoyable. I was actually glad to see them win this competition. It's a shame that this group is lumped in with the "wash-ups," as they seem to have much more mileage left in them.

Overall, there's nothing special about this programme. I could take it or leave it, but I'm sure that morbid curiosity will keep me coming back, much like VH1's "Where Are They Now?"