illusionofjoy | Mirrored TSWP Entry - Monday, September 23, 2002

Sometimes I truly hate "movie moments." We are all aware of the type: these are times when we feel that every movement we make has been carefully scripted and that we have little option but to follow the plot line laid out before us. These are the times when there is nothing to do but crumple inwardly to the cliché that our actions follow so vulgarly, that our bodies crumple into so easily were we marionettes cut loose from our puppeteers. Those moments when all you want to hear is, "cut" so you can be secure that what was being played out was only make-believe.

The Asian Goddess departed from Potsdam this morning. We got up early, and I showered as she dressed. We walked downtown and ate breakfast, then made our way to the bus station. There we waited, holding each other until the bus arrived. It was a "movie moment" - I told her I loved her, she returned the sentiment and we kissed before she boarded the bus. I watched as she sat down inside at a window in front of where I stood and we waved to each other as the Greyhound pulled away. I walked back to the campus alone, cold, smoking a clove and caring little about things such as cancer.

I sorely miss her. The eleven days that she was here were effectively my happiest at SUNY Potsdam. This morning, I kept wishing that she could stay - or that I could go with her. I wanted anything to happen where we could continue to be together.

"I love you" - I don't say it unless I really mean it. The road of truthsaying is a difficult one.

The Asian Goddess arrived at SUNY Potsdam on the evening of Thursday, the 12th. Apparently the bus driver didn't have the presence of mind to drop her off at the actual bus stop on the campus, thus she ended up calling me on her cell phone from the rear of my residence hall. I found her with little problem, however and she came back to my room with me.

I fucking can't finish this entry.