OTR: Aerosmith - Big Ones

[illusionofjoy]

Another "greatest hits" album already? What the fuck!

Indeed, but to call this a definitive Aerosmith "greatest hits" album would be a fallacy, as this only focuses on material from Permanent Vacation, Pump and Get A Grip, along with a track from The Beavis and Butthead Experience (everything that was a hit for band as I entered my teenage years). I don't own the other compilation - simply titled Greatest Hits which culls all of their 70s output, but, frankly, if I wanted to hear "Dream On" I just need to turn on any classic rock station and wait a couple of hours.

I haven't listened to this record in years. For about fifteen minutes when I was in middle school I thought that Aerosmith was the most awesome band ever to exist. This notion was supplanted by the idea that Pink Floyd was the most awesome band ever to exist once I reached high school (and then I discovered The Sisters of Mercy...).

The first thought that came to my mind when I put this on for the first time in years was how testosterone-infused this music is! Yet, somehow, despite that, I find Aerosmith most aesthetically pleasing than those jerks in Led Zeppelin. The former seem like a bunch of guys who just like having fun while the latter seen like a bunch of cocksuckers.

The second thought to come to mind is how well-produced and mastered this album is. Yes, it is a compilation, but that just means it's a bigger task to get the tracks to fit together, as they weren't intended to in the first place. The songs aren't chronologically sequenced, which makes it a bad study of Aerosmith's stylistic evolution (in addition to leaving off everything prior to 1989), but a damn fine party record. Consider the formula: three balls-out rockers, followed by a power ballad, then two more rockers before another set of ballads, another rocker and then a one-two punch of two super-powered ballads. It's almost like it's commanding you: dance, have a good time, cool down and then get back to it.

I'm not sure, but I think that not listening to broadcast radio has made it so I can actually - gasp - enjoy these songs for the pop candy they are, rather than hating them for being played to death. Aside from "Janie's Got A Gun," there's nothing too terribly deep here; but I don't expect enlightenment from Aerosmith. When I was thirteen, watching the video to "Crazy" I was in expectant anticipation of seeing Liv Tyler bend over in that pair of leather pants and then dance around a pole in a silver bra - stuff I'd never see from the girls in my school (as an aside, I think Mia should have been in that video as well). As I said: testosterone-fuelled music.

Speaking of hormones, I can recall that at every high school dance I went to growing up, "Livin' On The Edge" would inevitably get played. I think this is the only Aerosmith song they ever played at these dances and I was never sure why. I mean, sure, it was a huge hit, but something about the acoustics of the room in which the dances were held (the heavily tiled cafeteria) made it sound tinny, rather than being properly huge and mind-blowing. Also, wouldn't have "Angel" been a better choice - or were they afraid of adding yet another "slow dance" to the playlist because, as we all know, when teenagers touch each other they get urges to "do stuff."

Speaking of "Angel," it's kind of sad that I didn't hear that song until I started listening to WAIH. The sad part is that such a huge hit was played so often on a college radio station. There were two excessively chatty girls on the air at the time and they loved the song. This was good because I got to hear it and enjoyed it, but bad because I had to sit through the inane blather of these two bitches. Here's a tip for every (college) radio DJ out there: if you have nothing to say, shut the fuck up! Nobody else in the world finds you half as amusing as you and your little friends and on-air partners do.