How to engage the DJ

[illusionofjoy]

There is nothing like a vacation to throw into sharp relief just how much one's everyday life, frankly, sucks. My latest reminder came last week in a trip up to Albany where two of my friends not only invited me to attend their wedding, but DJ the reception as well. I was more than happy to oblige, given not only that I was willing to share in the celebration, but they were giving me an opportunity to get out of my routine for a while and putting me up in a hotel for doing something I loved.

Incidentally, if you want to hire me to DJ your event, get in touch. I am an inexpensive alternative to those who would fleece you with lights, fog machines and the worst of the Billboard Top 100.

It has been a while since I'd exposed my jams to the general public and while I'd be more than happy to do it again, there are a few things I think said public should ponder. It seems that way too many people are lacking in etiquette when it comes to attending a DJed event where one can actually speak with the individual handling the CDs. So, I thought I'd lay out some ground rules and food for thought, which pretty much apply to anyone who may find themselves attending a wedding reception or other such event.

Hands off the CDs!
I can't believe this even has to be mentioned, but apparently people still believe that because trunks of CDs are laid out on the table, they have a right to look through them and take them out of the cases in trying to decide which song to request. No, no, a million times NO! I have a sizable CD collection which has taken me years to build. I am not about to risk having large chunks of that collection go missing within hours. Think of the song you wish to hear and tell me your request directly; grabbing for my CDs will only get your hand slapped in the same manner I'd slap the hand of a three year old about to pull down the curtains. Speaking of requests...

You may not get your song played!
When I reply to a requested song with, "I'll see what I can do," it is the most tactful way I can tell someone that their request may not be played. There are numerous reasons for this ranging for a strict "no play" list from the bride and groom to the fact that the song requested does not fit into the current groove to the simple fact that I do not actually own a copy of the song requested. Accept my statement and move on. Do not obnoxiously repeat the request throughout the night and do not whine about not hearing the song - it's not your party, you're not the only one in the room I have to aurally please.

You'd think that people would understand that they aren't the sole occupants of a room at these events, however, self-centeredness is a tragic condition. Thankfully it doesn't seem to be too widespread, but at the aforementioned wedding reception in Albany, one woman who visited my booth many times made an extremely bad impression on me. In fact, allow me to paint you a portrait, through her actions of exactly what not to do when dealing with a DJ.

Her first sin was repeating requests multiple times in quick succession and complaining vociferously nearby when said requests were not played. Her second sin was attempting to converse with me at length when I was trying to work (I may enjoy the job but, believe it or not, I am still working when I DJ). One conversation in particular really stood out. She was bemoaning that there was no karaoke at the reception (the practise having been banned by the bride and groom seeing as how karaoke is Japanese for "too intoxicated to know how poorly one is singing"). "You know," she told me, "I was at a wedding reception last week where I sang a song and nobody could tell that it wasn't the DJ playing it anymore. Everybody loved it! I was a smash hit!" I didn't believe her of course, but throughout the night she persisted, "if I get [the groom] to say it's okay for me to sing, can I do it?" I reluctantly agreed, forgetting that the groom was drunk enough at this point to allow damn near anything to happen.

The song requested was "Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me" from The Rocky Horror Picture show. The annoyingly insistent woman took the microphone, I pressed play and as the song began I and the other guests in the room were assaulted by the more horrible off-key, rhythmless cacophony ever heard this side of the gates of Hell. The dance floor was vacated as horrified revellers ran for cover. I stood in abject horror, staring mouth agape at the now empty floor, feeling like one of the pilots who had dropped the bomb on Japan towards the end of World War II. Those who could fight the sonic assault struggled towards my booth and said, "please turn her microphone down." Two minutes after the song began, I was left to reverse the damage and re-fill the dance floor. Thankfully, Dead or Alive's "You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)" did the trick.

I was reflecting on what poor form it took for someone to wait for a member of the wedding party to be intoxicated in order to get an original decision overturned when the obnoxious woman who could not sing returned. At that juncture, I didn't let her get a word in edgewise - "You've reached your limit tonight," I told her, taking on the persona of a cranky bartender dealing with a chronic tippler, "I'm cutting you off." She did not return.

All in all, it boils down to this: don't harass the DJ. Yes, I try to make sure everyone has a good time, but such a feat is statistically impossible. If you find yourself really wanting to hear a song while forcing others to sit through it, buy the CD and start taking hostages.

Comments

[absurdkarma.livejournal.com]

Literally *everything* you said can be applied to DJing at Ceremony.

It takes so much restraint not to kick people in the face from the elevated platform of the booth when they repeatedly whine/shout at me to play Insane Clown Posse, My Chemical Romance, Linkin Park, Korn or Staind, just to name a few. I even had one drunk girl beg for Dave Matthews Band once, to which I responded, "where the hell do you think you are?"

I've also had acquaintances of either mine or the other DJ linger in the booth and begin flipping through my CDs, making suggestions and commenting on my music. Perhaps it's years of abuse, but I have no problem telling them to knock it off these days. :P