illusionofjoy | 2009: a not so fond farewell to a shitty year capping off a shitty decade

Last night organizedknots and I stayed in, despite having multiple opportunities to go out and socialise. While the desire to go out was there, neither one of us found ourselves particularly flush with cash at the end of the year. In addition to that, Lyndsey's leg has been bothering her to the point that it would have been an unignorable distraction. The fact that, once again, Pittsburgh was to be placed in the grip of an ice storm solidified our decision to stay in.

I can't complain about that, however. It was nice and there will be plenty of years without ice storms, without leg pain and with more money where going out is not only an option but a foregone conclusion.

Like many others, I've declared 2009 to be a shitty year. In fact, also like many others, I have come to the conclusion that 2009 is a shitty year that is capping off a shitty decade. And I am so bold as to shift my decades, centuries and millenniums to the zero identifier. Anyone who tells me that "technically" it all starts when the year ends in "1" can go take a flying leap. I will not be beholden to the miscalculations of the Christian calendar and that fact that, if memory serves, the Romans didn't come up with the concept of zero in time for the passage of time to be properly calculated. A stopwatch begins on zero because no time has passed. It does not start with one. To have it start at one is inaccurate be it seconds, minutes, milliseconds, days, months, years, centuries or millenniums. Come with me into the digital age and free yourself from the tyranny of the Christian calendar: start your time cycles at zero.

Of course, given that time can not be stopped, any calculation of it is arbitrary. It doesn't matter where it starts because the calculation of time - itself a fallacy and ultimately impossible feat - is an attempt for humanity to once more bring order to an inherently cold and chaotic universe.

The year 2009 began with the inauguration of Barack Obama, effectively reaffirming that cheaters do prosper. While it wasn't a supreme court decision and several hanging chads that but Obama in office, unlike his predecessor, his ascent to the presidency would not have been possible if the few, the powerful and the well-funded hadn't deemed it his for the occupying and gamed the system in order to insure that outcome. The votes don't matter...what matters is who counts the votes.

In 2009 I ceased to consider myself a Democrat - at least not in the modern sense of the word and what the party hath wrought. While I am still a member of said political party, the days where I would willingly walk lockstep for the candidates they offered are dead and buried, the graves spat upon. The last time I held my nose and voted was for Bob Casey Jr. in 2006; I refused to do the same for Barack Obama and I do not regret it.

While I'll never become politically inactive, I doubt I'll be directly supporting any candidates for public office. I'll tell people who I voted for and why but my time and money will go to organisations based on policies, not political candidates making promises. "A republic, if you can keep it," said Benjamin Franklin; and we the people are at the threshold of losing whatever little scraps of government we can claim as ours.

I am looking over the fresh slate of 2010 while looking back at the smudged scribbles of 2009 and have come to the conclusion that radical changes need to be made if I am not to curse this coming decade as I have the waning one. I have always wanted to be employed as a musician, or have music be a major part of my career. As it stands currently, music remains in the realm of a distraction or, worse, an expensive hobby. The job I have pays my bills, but has been killing me inside for some time now.

In 2009 I reached a watermark with that job: five years of employment with the same organisation. I did not feel proud of myself. I felt defeated. As I received the plaque certifying five years of faithful service, I wondered where I had gone wrong. I had been doing the same tasks for five years? Why couldn't I get ahead? Why was I stuck in the same cycle? Why did I do my best when mediocrity reaped the same reward? Why did I put up with being unable to move ahead?

You can see where this is going, and I shan't put it into words...yet. Suffice it to say that working within the organisation to better my station has not yielded the desired outcome. I am well-aware that my value as an employee is about the same as a pawn on a chessboard.

I'm not sure what 2010 will bring. But there is a change in the air. Let's hope it's a good one.