illusionofjoy | The Terror of Transition

Since I have decided for certain that I am moving out of Potsdam, I am spending much of my time doing research online. There are certain necessities if one is to survive in the brutal jungle known as "the real world." Being that this is a capitalist nation, the foremost tool of survival is money. Though also the root of all evil, it is also the root of survival in this society. If you want to play logic games, then one could say that surviving as an American is evil. Actually, there are those who have already said that...and acted upon it quite violently.

It could also be said that one does not technically need money to survive - that one can continue to live without capital. While it is true that the homeless and destitute are technically alive, and by virtue of merely being alive they have survived, I do not quantify this as the ultimate goal when pursuing my personal quest for survival. My base requirements for survival put my expectations above the act of successfully keeping my vital organs running. A minimal level of thriving above simple survival is required.

Philosophising aside, here is the basic formula I've worked out for my basic survival, keeping the idea of money central to the equation. This is where it starts: my savings account. I will use the money from my savings account to move from Potsdam to Pittsburgh. This money will enable me to get an apartment for one month (at least). Once I have a place of residence, I can begin to search for employment via local temp/employment agencies. I can also seek out employment via the classified section of the local newspapers. Employment will equal a steady income, which will allow me to continue living in the apartment. For the sake of silliness, let's turn that into a logic proof:

$ -> A -> E -> $ <-> $ ^ A ^ E = true

Isn't that spiffy? Of course, now I'm just waiting for some high school dork who just passed Algebra I to tell me that my proof is inaccurate. The same kid would probably let me know that I neglected to include the student loan variable (S). I'd like to smack this kid upside his misshapen, pimply head.

In any case, I digress; I have been spending my nights doing research online. Last night I was apartment hunting and I found a place that I absolutely fell in love with on paper. masochistmonkey said that he'd even check it out for me. Tonight Masochist Monkey's boyfriend (whom I still need to find an appropriate nickname for) told me that the place I found was located "in one of Pittsburgh's most dangerous neighbourhoods." I immediately crossed it off of my list and resumed searching for places to live, this time in neighbourhoods that had been suggested to me by the boyfriend.

I've also been looking for employment online. A quick perusal of the classified section of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette revealed that there was a fair number of jobs available in the city, even for someone without a college degree. Those of you who didn't graduate from high school are pretty much screwed, however.

My main problem is, of course, selling myself to potential employers. I've never been comfortable with interviews, as they pretty much require speaking with what amount to strangers one on one. I'd rather have a good idea of what my audience expects, so I can format my presentation for optimal results. When it comes to job interviews, I have no chance to learn o the nuances that may sway the individual to an outcome more favourable to me. Couple this with the overall nervousness that comes with having to go into an interview in the first place and I'm more than a little apprehensive about the whole situation. I'm always worried that I will forget or flub something and this tends to always become somewhat of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Still, the city of Pittsburgh had a population of 390,000 and a job pool well in the hundreds. Along with the higher numbers comes the decreased likelihood that everybody knows the affairs of everyone else. The same can not be said of Potsdam, with its population of 10,000, significantly smaller job pool and small-town politics. I have tried to become employed in this town and it is not exactly an easy feat. It seems that if you do not have the right connections, you may as well forget about it. The only time I was successful in becoming employed in Potsdam was when I worked for PACES, on the SUNY Potsdam campus. My other job in Northern New York was in Massena.

I do know one thing for certain through all of this: I have to repair my sleep schedule. Last night I was awake until 6:00AM, despite having gone to bed a couple of hours earlier. I don't even remember my alarm going off in the morning, but it must have as the button on my portable analogue travel clock was set in the "off" position. I ended up sleeping in until 8:00PM, seeing neither the sunrise nor the sunset. Right now I don't really feel tired in the least, so it would probably be a waste of time to go to bed. My fear is that, once I do so, I'll end up sleeping in to a ridiculous hour again.

So, I'm going to attempt to stay up all night. I may take a brief nap in my clothes on the couch, since I don't sleep very long when I'm fully dressed unless I am completely exhausted. Hopefully this will make it so I can be asleep by midnight tonight (Sunday night).

I'm supposed to see Darkling this evening when she moves back to the campus. She wanted to move in earlier in the day, however her employers at home have little regard for her needs regarding school. Apparently, to them, unless you have a class, you have no excuse to not come into work. In my opinion, a reasonable amount of time to move in and out of one's dorm is just as important as is time to go to class. What do I know though? I failed out of college, remember?

In any case, this is one of the last chances I will get to see her for a while. She is one of the few people at SUNY Potsdam that I actually like. I don't want to miss the opportunities I have left to hang out with her while I still can. We'll likely go downtown so neither one of us has to deal with Darkling's obnoxious roommate. My thought regarding the roommate was that, since I had absolutely nothing to lose by doing so, I would triple the usual dose of cruelty that I pour upon her. I just may refrain though, as major life transitions are an excellent time for karma to bite one square in the gluteus maximums.

Though it has been a while, I actually had a conversation with agentorrange tonight. He hadn't a change to read my journal, so I brought him up to speed on what's been going on with me. We chewed the digital fat for a while and he told me that there were lots of openings for radio stations in Buffalo. While the temptation to stay in the state of New York is there for me, I still think my best chances of fitting in and being comfortable are in Pittsburgh. Still, I'm glad to know that the option is there.

I'm going to be living in Pittsburgh by February. Isn't that wild?