Tie them to the tracks!

[illusionofjoy]

Last night I was riding into work on the trolley. It was the same ride I take every weekday. I board at the station not two blocks from my apartment building, spend about half an hour watching the scenery get by and then disembark in downtown Pittsburgh. It's a relatively peaceful journey which allows me to contemplate the world quietly or even make an uninterrupted cell phone call, if I so choose.

Last night, however, was different. Last night was the invasion of the stupid cunts who had no right to be riding my train. Now, dear reader, hear me out before you accuse me of yet another bout of mere uber-pretension.

It all began at a stop halfway towards downtown. Two teenaged girls boarded the trolley. If I were to hazard a guess, I would say that they had to be no older than 13 each. One of them paid her fare, and the additional charge for a transfer as the driver pulled away from the stop. The other ran to the back of the trolley, apparently under the mistaken impression that she was exempt from being charged for mass transit, unlike the rest of the world.

Upon seeing that he had a stowaway on his train, the driver called on the girl who didn't pay to come forth and deposit her $1.75. The first girl yelled to the driver, "she's five years old," and both of them scuttled to the rear of the trolley.

The usual calm return to the trolley until the point when the two aspiring scam artists requested a stop. The trolley rolled to a halt, and the girls walked to the front door, ready to spring from car to station platform. This time was different, however...this time the doors did not open.

"Pay your fare," said the driver.

At this point the girl with the transfer copped a "homie" attitude and said, "I told you - she's five years old."

The driver would have none of it. "Do you think I was born yesterday," he asked. "She's not five years old. Pay the fare for the T."

"I told you - she's five years old! She ain't got no money! Would you let us off...people are staring..."

"Yeah, you're holding them up. Pay your fare."

This exchange went on for a few more minutes until finally, the driver took back the one girl's transfer and verbally kicked the two of them off the trolley. Once off the vehicle, they jumped up and down and screamed at it as it pulled away. I shot them both dirty looks and an obscene gesture for pulling a stunt that had the potential to make me late for work.

As the trolley pulled into my downtown stop, I reflected on how some people have no right to ride the trolley, but are certainly deserving of being run over by it. I despise those who try to take advantage of the system through pathetic melodrama and transparent "tricks." The actions of these girls was not only insulting to the driver of the trolley, but to every rider on board. Had the other passengers wanted to rise up and rend these little bitches limb from limb, I would have been right there with the mob scene. To put my standpoint simply: if you can't afford to ride the train (you well-dressed, spoiled little brat), you learn how to walk.